Nov 09 2008
Parenting and Self Preservation
I often wonder how much “away” time is ok when you’re talking about how much time is spent with and without your kids. As a single mom, the topic of ”keeping a social life” and still doing things for yourself gets tossed around in my thoughts quite often.
As a single, working parent I wonder if it’s still ok to take time to myself?
I work 40 hours a week. That’s 40 hours a week that my son spends somewhere else. He’s usually either in school, at after care, or with his grandmother. On typical weeks, I see him for about 4 hours each night. Those hours are filled with homework, dinner, showers, and other mundane life tasks. Where does the fun come in?
I went out of town this weekend with my boyfriend. We didn’t go far; just about an hour drive out to the beach. We decided to take an evening, push the “relax button”, and turn off the outside world. It was relaxing and really reset the stress levels. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and my son was at his grandmother’s house. Simple enough?
Not really. See, every time I go somewhere without him, the inevitable guilt trip follows. He gets home, we spend some mom/son time together and before you know it, it’s 8:30 and time for bed. He goes to sleep happy, I sit alone in my house wondering if I’m being a good parent.
I’ve read alot of studies, watched the news, read books, and listened to friends. I realize that you can’t be a good mother if you aren’t taking care of yourself too. I realize that being a mother doesn’t mean that I’ve magically transformed into a woman that needs or wants for nothing for herself. That’s an absurd notion.
Then why the guilt? Maybe it’s something that’s programmed during pregnancy. Maybe we’re re-wired to feel guilt when we enjoy anything without our kids.
One thing I know for sure ~ as parents, we cannot lose ourselves. If we lose ourselves, who is going to teach our children about self-respect or personal happiness? Finding that balance between motherhood and self preservation isn’t always easy to come by, but it always ends up worth it in the end.
(Or at least I think it does)
